I've not posted in the past couple of weeks because I've been really sick. Lots of days in bed, lots of tests, still no answers. My doctor doesn't feel that it's anything serious, but we just don't have any answers yet. That being said, things around my house have been kind of crazy. And as many of you already know, that can lead to serious "mommy guilt."
If you've never experienced "mommy guilt" you either a) don't have kids, or b) are a liar. We've all been there. I feel like I haven't done enough fun stuff with my kids lately. I feel like I haven't read enough books to them. I feel like we've taken two extra weeks of spring break because I've been too sick to teach school. There have been lots of sandwiches and frozen pizzas consumed by my family and not nearly enough outside play time. The laundry keeps piling up. The house is a wreck. I've been grumpy. And as if all that weren't enough, all of these tests and doctor bills are quickly depleting our Disney World savings fund, so that January Disney trip we've been saving for is looking less and less likely to happen. (I still have hope, though :) When you are a one income household with three small children extra money for things like vacations can be pretty hard to come by, so after working so hard to save for this trip, discovering this new possible reality is an extra hard blow. This list names just a few things that have recently hit me over the head with the "mommy guilt" baseball bat.
Of course, all of this is made worse by the internet. Yes, that's right, the internet. Why is it that when I feel my lowest as a mother, it seems that EVERYONE I know is posting fun and fabulous pictures and status updates on facebook about what they are doing with their kids? Vacations, trips to the ice cream shop, fun play dates with friends, cool school activities, the list goes on and on. And don't even get me started on pinterest. I love it and have gotten some great ideas off of this site, but lets face it. Nothing can make you feel like a failure quicker than wall to wall DIY projects that I know I'll probably never have the time, money, or patience to complete. The internet and more specifically, social networking sites, can be a real vehicle for driving ourselves over the "mommy guilt" cliff. This weekend we had a festival in our small town. All weekend long all I've seen on facebook has been pictures and posts of families having fun there. What did I do? I talked my kids into staying home, making homemade pizza, and having a family game night instead, so that we could save money. Were they disappointed? NO! Did they have a blast here at home? YES! Did I feel guilty any way? YOU BET! We also made the decision this weekend to not purchase season tickets to our local water park like we usually do. When I asked the kids what they thought about it, they didn't seem to care at all. But guess what...I STILL feel super GUILTY!!! I know that all summer long I'll be hearing about other families going to the water park and feel like we are the only ones not out there (which is ENTIRELY UNTRUE!) It's stuff like this at times like this that make me feel like everyone else has it so together. It's no fun feeling like my kids' friends (and lets be honest here, my friends too) are all getting to do things that my family cannot afford because I stay home or things that I am not physically able to do at this point due to illness. I've just been a little down in the dumps.
All of these feelings of inadequacy and even a little bit of jealousy of others has really hit home with me tonight. God has opened my eyes through the guest speaker's message this evening at church, and then again when I got home through a post on....you guessed it! The internet!
A friend of mine had pinned the above quote on Pinterest tonight and when I read it I nearly fell out of my chair. This is SO TRUE! I cannot get over how true this is. And how completely it applies to me, especially right now. Part of my purpose in starting this blog was to help build up other mothers. The whole idea of "The Motherhood Box" and the quote posted in the header of this blog goes hand in hand with Mr. Steve Furtick's words above. Comparison is the thief of joy. As mothers, as wives, as WOMEN we have GOT to STOP comparing ourselves to one another and instead start building one another up. There is no supermom. She does not exist. We are not in competition with one another. We are on the same team here, girls! My goal going into this next week is not to look at other mothers and other families and see my own shortcomings. My goal is to see the good in other peoples' lives and recognize that that's exactly what it is...the GOOD! I have to remember that even families that seem perfect have days when everyone is late, the kids can't find their shoes, you forget to go to t-ball practice, and lunch consists of goldfish crackers, dry cereal, string cheese, and Sprite. That's just not the stuff we typically choose to share. I cannot compare my bad days to someone else's good days and really think that it's a fair comparison. Because I know this is true, I have to focus on not comparing myself at all. I hope that you are encouraged to do the same! This week let's just be the mothers that we are RIGHT NOW. Let's do the very best we can for our families without looking over our shoulders to see if someone else is doing it "better."
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9
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