The Thief of Comparison

 

I've not posted in the past couple of weeks because I've been really sick. Lots of days in bed, lots of tests, still no answers. My doctor doesn't feel that it's anything serious, but we just don't have any answers yet.  That being said, things around my house have been kind of crazy. And as many of you already know, that can lead to serious "mommy guilt."  

If you've never experienced "mommy guilt" you either a) don't have kids, or b) are a liar. We've all been there. I feel like I haven't done enough fun stuff with my kids lately. I feel like I haven't read enough books to them. I feel like we've taken two extra weeks of spring break because I've been too sick to teach school.  There have been lots of sandwiches and frozen pizzas consumed by my family and not nearly enough outside play time. The laundry keeps piling up. The house is a wreck. I've been grumpy. And as if all that weren't enough, all of these tests and doctor bills are quickly depleting our Disney World savings fund, so that January Disney trip we've been saving for is looking less and less likely  to happen. (I still have hope, though :) When you are a one income household with three small children extra money for things like vacations can be pretty hard to come by, so after working so hard to save for this trip, discovering this new possible reality is an extra hard blow. This list names just a few things that have recently hit me over the head with the "mommy guilt" baseball bat.  

Of course, all of this is made worse by the internet.  Yes, that's right, the internet.  Why is it that when I feel my lowest as a mother, it seems that EVERYONE I know is posting fun and fabulous pictures and status updates on facebook about what they are doing with their kids?  Vacations, trips to the ice cream shop, fun play dates with friends, cool school activities, the list goes on and on. And don't even get me started on pinterest. I love it and have gotten some great ideas off of this site, but lets face it.  Nothing can make you feel like a failure quicker than wall to wall DIY projects that I know I'll probably never have the time, money, or patience to complete. The internet and more specifically, social networking sites, can be a real vehicle for driving ourselves over the "mommy guilt" cliff. This weekend we had a festival  in our small town. All weekend long all I've seen on facebook has been pictures and posts of families having fun there.  What did I do?  I talked my kids into staying home, making homemade pizza, and having a family game night instead, so that we could save money.  Were they disappointed?  NO!  Did they have a blast here at home?  YES!  Did I feel guilty any way?  YOU BET!   We also made the decision this weekend to not purchase season tickets to our local water park like we usually do.  When I asked the kids what they thought about it, they didn't seem to care at all.  But guess what...I STILL feel super GUILTY!!!  I know that all summer long I'll be hearing about other families going to the water park and feel like we are the only ones not out there (which is ENTIRELY UNTRUE!)  It's stuff like this at times like this that make me feel like everyone else has it so together.  It's no fun feeling like my kids' friends (and lets be honest here, my friends too) are all getting to do things that my family cannot afford because I stay home or things that I am not physically able to do at this point due to illness. I've just been a little down in the dumps.  

All of these feelings of inadequacy and even a little bit of jealousy of others has really hit home with me tonight.  God has opened my eyes through the guest speaker's message this evening at church, and then again when I got home through a post on....you guessed it!  The internet!  

   

A friend of mine had pinned the above quote on Pinterest tonight and when I read it I nearly fell out of my chair.  This is SO TRUE!  I cannot get over how true this is.  And how completely it applies to me, especially right now. Part of my purpose in starting this blog was to help build up other mothers. The whole idea of "The Motherhood Box" and the quote posted in the header of this blog goes hand in hand with Mr. Steve Furtick's words above. Comparison is the thief of joy.  As mothers, as wives, as WOMEN we have GOT to STOP comparing ourselves to one another and instead start building one another up.  There is no supermom.  She does not exist.  We are not in competition with one another.  We are on the same team here, girls!  My goal going into this next week is not to look at other mothers and other families and see my own shortcomings.  My goal is to see the good in other peoples' lives and recognize that that's exactly what it is...the GOOD!  I have to remember that even families that seem perfect have days when everyone is late, the kids can't find their shoes, you forget to go to t-ball practice, and lunch consists of goldfish crackers, dry cereal, string cheese, and Sprite.  That's just not the stuff we typically choose to share.  I cannot compare my bad days to someone else's good days and really think that it's a fair comparison. Because I know this is true, I have to focus on not comparing myself at all.  I hope that you are encouraged to do the same!  This week let's just be the mothers that we are RIGHT NOW.  Let's do the very best we can for our families without looking over our shoulders to see if someone else is doing it "better."

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 

Galatians 6:9

Lines in the Sand: Why My Girls No Longer Wear 2-Piece Swim Suits

Little girls are adorable.  They just are.  They're all giggles and curls.  I love it!  One of my favorite hobbies over the past several years has been dressing my babies.  It's incredibly fun to me.  The adorable options for little girls are endless and this is especially true with summer clothing, in my opinion.  Swimsuits are no exception.

Each summer we take several trips.  The beach with my parents, the coast with Rob's family, sometimes a few more coast trips on our own.  We also have season tickets to a local water park, and usually end up going to several pool parties of one description of another.  To me, all of this adds up to a good reason to stock up on those cute swimsuits for my kiddos!

They've had one-pieces, two-pieces, seersucker, polkadot, smocked, ruffled, monogrammed...you name it, they've had it.  While they do make swimsuits that I consider to be a bit immodest for toddlers and little girls, nothing we've had ever fit that description.  They are all what I considered to be cute, age-appropriate, and INNOCENT!  The idea that I might should consider their swimsuits more carefully had never crossed my mind.

The picture above was taken on an early fall beach trip a couple of years ago.  Just a few hours after the photo was snapped, we were at a popular restaurant, where I just happened to run into an old sorority sister from college.  There was a long wait to be seated, so we had ample opportunity to catch up and chat about kids.  It was during this conversation that she said something that really struck a chord with me.  Her darling toddler daughter (who I was familiar with through photos on their family blog and on facebook) was not allowed to wear two-piece swimsuits.  I smiled and nodded.  My knee-jerk reaction?  I thought it was a little extreme, but not a big deal and NOT my business!  As she continued talking, though, it started making sense.  I can't remember word for word how she explained it, but this is how I remember it.  She told me that she and her husband tried to be aware that the standards they set now, the boundaries they put in place, were lines they were drawing in the sand that they would be dealing with until their child was an adult.  The swimsuit issue was just one of many.  I walked away from that conversation unconvinced in the swimsuit debate.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized, that there are two major ways a little thing like swimsuits influence dress codes and how we handle them in our homes for years to come. 

First of all, think about it.  Most, if not all, teenagers push against the boundaries their parents set.  Some boundaries are set early in their lives, some are set as they get older, but they push against them, nonetheless.  Many times, one major area of argument between parents and their adolescents is that of appropriate clothing.  We as parents tend to lean more towards modest clothing (at least THIS parent does!) while teen girls often fight for the right to bare entirely too much (at least THIS one did...a lot has changed as I've gotten older and grown closer to Christ.) The way we dress our girls when they are little is not just a fun pastime.  It is a line drawn in the sand.  A standard that we set.  If we allow them to wear modest two-piece swimsuits when they are three, that same three-year-old may as a teenager rebel and fight for skimpier two-pieces as a teenager.  Her defense?  "I'm not a baby anymore!  Stop trying to dress me like one!"  If I only dress my little girl in one-piece swimsuits, it gives me a lot more room for negotiation, doesn't it?  Don't get me wrong.  So far in our 6+ years as parents, my husband and I have maintained the leadership roles in our home.  Our kids do NOT rule the roost around here.  However, we aren't stupid.  We know tougher days are ahead and we understand the concept of choosing your battles.  This is just an opportunity we have to give ourselves a head start in at least one area.

Second, as I stated in a recent post, our girls are drowning in the culture's message that sex sells and that their value is defined by sex appeal.  If I really believe that modesty is God's design for us and that my daughter is worth more than the sum of her physical parts (and their curves, or lack their of) won't it be easier to instill that in her mind and heart if I haven't bought into the culture by baring her midriff at the ripe old age of two?  Don't misunderstand me!  I'm not saying that toddlers in two-pieces are bound to a life of mini skirts, see-through halter tops, or promiscuity.  I'm not saying that if you don't put your kiddos only in one-pieces you aren't committed to their healthy self-image.  I'm just saying that we as parents DO have a responsibility to think about how even the little things we are doing now might effect our daughters down the road.

It was the end of summer when I had this conversation with my friend.  I contemplated it quite a bit through fall and winter.  When spring rolled around and I began shopping for swimsuits, her words kept ringing in my ears.  I came to this conclusion.  I have no problem with little kids in cute age-appropriete swimsuits of any kind.  I don't feel any guilt or feel that I made a mistake in any of the two-piece swimsuit choices I've made in the past for my daughters.  I'm not saying they will never wear a two-piece again.  I have decided, though, that for as long as I'm the one selecting their wardrobes, swimming and otherwise, I'm going to try my best to be a bit more thoughtful about exactly where I draw my lines in the sand.  As stubborn and rebellious as their parents were, genetically speaking, my girls are quite possibly going to give us a run for our money.  I want to do everything, no matter how insignificant it may seem now, to help them avoid some of our same mistakes.

After all, as many cute swimsuits as there are out there for little girls, it's not like I've had to make some major sacrifice by going all one-piece for the girls.  It's the girl that makes the suit, after all!  My girls are beautiful in whatever they put on.  I want them to know that!
 

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control... with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. 

 --I Timothy 2:9-10

Tip Tuesday: From Sea to Shining Sea

Looking for a cheap, quick, easy, and fun way to teach your kids something new?  Invest in a US map-small enough to place on the table, but large enough to see the states clearly.  (These are actually place mats that I purchased for a dollar or two at Wal-Mart).  Once you have that, all you'll need are a few minutes each day (or even just a few times a week) and one of your kids' favorite snacks.  We usually use cereal, such as Froot Loops or Lucky Charms.

To begin, select two or three states to start reviewing with your child.  We started with Washington, Oregon, and California.  The western states are bigger and easier to identify (at least, to me they are).  On the first day, Baby Doll and I just pointed out those three states and said their names.  On day two, I covered the names of those three states with a Froot Loop.  If she could name the state, she got to eat the Froot Loop.  It took her no time to master those three states, so we added another.  Each day or two we add another state.  It only takes a few minutes each morning to go over these and after only a couple of months Baby Doll can identify and name about 20 states.  Bitty wanted to get in on the fun too, so I've gotten her a map of her own.  She can now identify and name 9 states.  Dipper just watches us...and eats Froot Loops :)

We, of course, spend a few minutes working on this each morning during schooling, but obviously, you don't HAVE to homeschool to incorporate this fun and educational activity into your routine.  If you choose to use place mats and cereal, breakfast might be a good time to work on this activity each day.  I hope you have as much fun and success with this as we've had.